This post gets personal, and highly reflective.  But I’m figuring out life after all…

A few weeks ago I talked about my #becauseofjamberry story and how the business broke me out of my shell and gave me some shred of positive self-confidence.  And now that I’ve been confident enough to even admit and talk about the progression of timid, quiet, terrified me to a more “I GOT THIS” mentality, I think it’s time to dive even further into exploring who I was, where I went, and how I got to where I am now.journey quote

YEARS ago.  I’m talking high school…(context- my second day of high school was September 11th….) I was never really into the whole concept of makeup or really putting effort into how I “present yourself to the world.”  Why did I have to?  At 14, the world is a scary place, and before youtube or pinterest, I had no idea what would eventually happen.  But, I did dress up at times- winter formal, school dances, dates, proms.  And every time, I’d spend about 20 minutes in front of my mother’s makeup collection and play around with her makeup.  I managed to always do my own makeup, and people would always ask me “Ohmygoodness, who did your makeup?”  Uh…fact check it peeps…I spent most of my hardworking lifeguarding money on the dress, the ticket, the shoes, the hair, do you honestly think I had some more to shell out for makeup?

I was confident those nights.  I felt like Cinderella.  But once the makeup came off and the hair was down and the hairspray was washed away, I felt different.  Sad.  There was something inside that wasn’t right.  An internal conflict?  Maybe, but I still can’t put my finger on what that was.  This uncomfortable feeling took over me for years.

Until in college I finally invested in my first “starter kit” of makeup.   And the starter kit even came with a tutorial post card on how to wear the products properly.  And!  The starter kit was always on QVC at the time, and late at night- so my late night RA shifts would always have QVC on in the background while waiting for the next building round.  I was content with learning the process of makeup all over again. (Thank goodness- since going to the drugstore with friends proved overwhelming and exhausting.  I had NO IDEA what I was looking for, yet all my friends seemed to know what they wanted/needed, all I was buying was ChapStick and facewash.)

Before I learned what makeup REALLY was- before Pinterest and YouTube, my trips to the drugstore were just for facewash….

Fast forward to 2012-2015.  I was married, Pinterest and YouTube were finally budding into great resources and the idea of makeup was finally coming to play.  Long gone were the days of just going to the boutique for the same starter kit and drugstore mascara and eyeliner.  Now I was experimenting with the other products that the makeup brand was slowly unveiling, and I was beginning to learn what concealer, highlight/contouring, and even eyeliner all were.  I can accurately recall many a Summer Friday afternoons with students in my office showing me zillions of YouTube beauty blogger videos.  To this day, I cannot believe how many beauty vloggers I am currently subscribed to…

I cried constantly.  I wasted so much mascara because my eyeshadow looks didn’t match the Youtubers. I cried because my highlighting and contouring made me look like a legitimate clown.  The Kim K look was so not as easy as Pinterest made it out to be.  I gave up.  I felt like I’ve been wasting time, money and time.

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?  Who decided the celebrity red carpet look should be modified to become an “everyday/normal person” makeup look?

I’d like to give them a piece of my mind…I don’t have the time or energy, or even the resources to recreate all the looks that are out there.  Plus, sometimes you just want to look natural without being overly done.  And how come that isn’t okay anymore?  We can spot the massive amounts of makeup from miles away, why are we trying to go flawless?  Where are these red carpets in everyday life?  Am I missing out on things?  Where are we partying at night that we have to look airbrushed?  Can I come?!

As you can tell, I’m a little frustrated with how the makeup industry has become so intimidating.  I also have no idea how to film (because so many vloggers seem to keep their tips a secret- so competitive and frustrating!) nor do I have the confidence to film.  As you may have seen on the Snapchat, I attempted or tried to attempt to make the ‘beauty influencer’ face.  Didn’t work out so well…

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So I decided to just do what makes me feel beautiful.  Be it wearing makeup to make me look like a clown (but have a fun time in the process), or wearing natural looking makeup to make me feel somewhat together, or even going au natural and not wearing any makeup, I’ve adopted the motto:

Do what makes you feel beautiful.

After all, if we don’t feel comfortable in our own skin, doesn’t that become blatantly obvious?  Darn right it is!  More obvious than the piece of parsley in your teeth…if I could impart one piece of wisdom today, it’s simple.  Do what makes you feel beautiful.  We should not be comparing ourselves to what we see on TV, or spend more time, money and energy in front of the mirror than actually enjoying the destination. (3 hours in front of the mirror for makeup, only to go to a job interview for an hour or something… silly).  Enjoy the process, enjoy the destination, enjoy the makeup.  It shouldn’t be a hinderance, it should be something that you find joy in.  If you aren’t a makeup person, that’s okay!  No one says you HAVE to wear makeup – that’s the beauty of beauty.  We are all appreciative of each other regardless of the winged eyeliner!

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